Today is quiet. Too quiet. I wonder if I should head into town today. It is sunny but cool as spring days can be. I could check on the bees or work on the henhouse but I feel more like going to sit at a coffee shop and letting the idle chatter of other humans wash over me so that I feel like part of their tribe. It would be nice to have a neighbor. Someone close, but not too close. I could drive over and lean on the fence as we commiserate about the weather, what we will be planting, maybe even what we are reading. Chet doesn’t really have strong views on any of these things. Or at least he doesn’t verbalize them.
What to do. It’s only been five days without human contact. I don’t even like most people. Why do I miss them? A person can be lonely in a room full of people, or solitary but not lonely. I’m here because I was lonely surrounded by people. Maybe I will stick it out alone today. See how I feel tomorrow. I can always immerse myself in a book. Perhaps something whimsical and fun like Nietzsche or Tolstoy. Or make something out of one of the tree stumps we pulled out of the cabin footprint.
I wonder when I’m going to start talking to myself. Oh wait, I’ve always talked to myself. Ok, I guess when am I going to start answering? Nope, that ship has sailed as well. When will I start talking to a volleyball? Maybe that’s the line. We’ll see.
It’s going to be hard when it’s winter and I really feel isolated, not just by geography and social withdrawal, but by the sheer difficulty of getting to people if I want to. If I need to. I suppose it’s good that I started this in the spring. Winter is still a long way away. It will be wise to plan for that, I suppose. Snowmobile maybe? I hate those things, but as practical necessity I might be able to justify it. Snowshoes, I suppose. And skis. Could I skate down the river once it freezes? I don’t think it will freeze, though. It doesn’t get quite that cold here.
What to do today. I think I’ll hike up the mountainside and gather some herbs and berries. There are alot of bears around, I should bring bells and bearspray. That’s the problem with gathering berries. I might as well be Yogi Bear raiding the beehive. Oh well. Herbs then. But first, I will make coffee and enjoy it on the porch.
Sometimes this is a good thing. We as humans have been taught to ignore our instincts, to devalue them, to look down our noses at people who do follow their instincts. And I honestly don`t know what force is at work. But I do know that I now stop and listen when the universe yells. Because it has not steered me wrong yet. Whereas my overdeveloped primate brain has steered me wrong. PLENTY.
Married two lawyers. That was not instinct, I can tell you that. Stupid brain.
Stayed in a career I hated for almost twenty years. That was definitely not instinct. All other animals know to run and not look back when their instincts tell them to flee.
And you know what? I`m pretty sure the universe has never yelled at anyone:
HEY! HEYYYY!!!! You are enjoying your life TOOOO much. Go get a job that takes over your life, makes you feel important, stresses you out, and makes you stay in it because you are afraid to go back to not being important. YOU NEED TO BE IMPORTANT!
No. The universe is not interested in any of that. What it does seem to be interested in, is:
4. meeting and learning from new people
5. pushing past your comfort zone.
6. doing the things you dreamed of as a child.
Problem with that is, I always wanted to be a cowgirl. Who knows, maybe it will be fun.